Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
And then my night got REAL pukey
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Someone signed my nipple.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
