i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
