All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize