I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
