I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
there is puke in my bra ... again
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
