tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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