Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
