i will never coherently bang her
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
you had me at cake vodka
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Someone came in the potted fern
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
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