I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
