dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
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