It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Randomize
