I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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