My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
