My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
