Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
