dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
