Your face is a jimmy john
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
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