smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
