I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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