your parents love me but you hate me
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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