some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
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