Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
he was CRYING into my vagina
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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