everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
