what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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