I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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