the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
