The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
