the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Randomize
