Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
