Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Randomize