U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
So many bounce houses so little time
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
