Rock
Scissors
Fuck
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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