a queef is a wish your heart makes.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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