An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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