I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Randomize
