I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
i out mim tonsoeep
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