So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
