I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
