possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
