Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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