what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
