I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
