i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
