The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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