Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Randomize
