i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
