i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
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