meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
even my farts smell like vagina
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
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