just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
