ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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