Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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