I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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