I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
