If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
