she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
