Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize