he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
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