is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
