How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
