Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
