i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Randomize
