who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
