i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
