I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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