watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
We talked him into tasing himself.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
