you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
tequila makes me forget i have legs
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize
