I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Randomize