I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
