Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize
