just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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