i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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