Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
