hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
