the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
