i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
