So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
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