I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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