i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I did not marry a roomba.
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