Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
