I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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