And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize