It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
