Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
