I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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