No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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